If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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