I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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