The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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