If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bring me that man meat
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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