I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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