question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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