so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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