if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I love you.
Bad choice
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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