I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My bed smells like the plague
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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