I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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