like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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