Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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