The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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