I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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