That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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