Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
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I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize