I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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