hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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