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I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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