We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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