I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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