I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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