Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
