nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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