you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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