i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
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At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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