I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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