Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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