hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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