went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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