Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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