His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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