No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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