Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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