she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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