I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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