Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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