Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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