I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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