I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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