I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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