i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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