You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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