I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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