She said her name was "party"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize