I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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