It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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