hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize