Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize