Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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