i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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